Hey Evan, I have recently started chatting with someone on a dating site and he keeps asking me for my phone number. The place where your circles overlap is your relationship. The problem in dating is when you think your circle is the “right” one – even when it doesn’t overlap with anyone else’s circle. Women who ask men if they will commit on Date 1 are not “wrong”, but they are ineffective. You want to “chat with him for a good period of time,” and after “a few weeks of online chatter”, you’ll give him your phone number. However, I’m very uncomfortable giving you my phone number. It’s called the 2/2/2 Rule (two emails on the dating site, two emails off site, two phone calls and then a date).He says he doesn’t use the internet much on weekdays, but I’m reluctant to give anyone my phone number until I have chatted with them for a period of time. This is where I came up with the idea (espoused in Why He Disappeared) of “effective vs. Then, presuming a few phone calls go well, you want to meet him for a safe coffee date at on a Tuesday, so you can have a quick exit strategy if you don’t click. I spend about a half-hour explaining it in my Finding the One Online audio program, which helps women flirt and connect with quality men online.It used to be that having a burner phone meant you were up to no good.The physical phones were bought to be discarded and used in all kinds of nefarious dealings (see HBO's "The Wire").
Overruns, project is establishing a connection with someone doing the deed fantastic and beautiful.
Am I being unfair with this expectation of not giving my phone number out and preferring to spend weeks on online chatter? If you’ve ever wondered why you struggle with men, it’s quite likely because you’ve never given much value to HIS circle in the Venn Diagram.
I actually do like this gentleman, which is unusual for me. I figure this is as good a time as any to float a pretty non-controversial theory of how to be successful in dating. Okay, so you know what a Venn Diagram looks like, right? I always ask for the man’s phone number, and offer to call him.
If you think something is reasonable, but nobody else on the planet agrees with you, you’re going to be more effective by finding a compromise point closer to the majority position. Men who don’t pick up the full check on Date 1 are not “wrong”, but they are ineffective. In the Venn Diagram of Online Dating (copyright, Evan Marc Katz), men’s circle is Speed. He wants to meet you right NOW and see you naked ASAP. You know as well as I do that women don’t want to be bullied into going on blind dates: “Dear Dan, thank you for your initial inquiry. Besides, your profile doesn’t say very much about you, so maybe if you tell me more about yourself, if we click, then, maybe in a few weeks, I’ll give you my phone number and we can go from there.” This is the entire reason that I came up with a strategy that works for both men AND women.
This Venn diagram theory goes for pretty much everything in life. And by ineffective, I mean that by not being able to understand (much less cater to) the opposite sex’s point of view, you’re pretty much eliminating your options.